first post in a while (and not a happy one at that)

so yeah pretty much i just need a space to rant even if no one reads it i just need to get shit off my chest not looking for attention i pretty much just need to bitch... this is a pointless rant post so its tl;dr for most people

so yeah the reason ive really been at odds as of late is im tired really of running from my past like its some evil force of reckoning i try to make my past seem shitty to myself so i can forget it but its only because my past is just that the past. nothing is what it used to be and im not really used to it anymore none of my friends hang out or at least not with me much they are too busy or just have too little of a common ground i suppose with myself and i accept that fact things change and life goes forward its just how things are i guess i just feel like mine for years has been in a constant decline in the opposite direction. as everyone else seems to progressively make something for themselves in life and find their niche i seem to lose one and lose foothold on one more thing i had a solid thing in or at least i thought. ive had to restart my life from scratch more times than i can even remember or count anymore its been a constant roller coaster of being a king on my high chair of my domain with all that i wanted and needed around me and then sinking to absolute fucking rock bottom, and to tell the truth i dont know how many times more i can go that route i need a steady and static lifestyle, friends, job and income. i push myself hard everyday and it just feels like things break more and more and at the same time more and more people care less about how im doing or what ive been up to. my inspiration is shot, my motivation is null and lethargic and sometimes i dont even wake up on days i just sleep for 24-36 hours straight through it because i just dont know or care to see what could happen or would happen. i apply myself at a lot of things music being the main drive that basically keeps me from just saying fuck it and giving it all up but sometimes i guess you have to push past hobbies and find your goals. the problem is my goals have been the same since day one and while as ive achieved them they have become more or less a memory that is because they are nonexistent in my current situation. ive been short of money, food, and feel that ive overburdened my friends with my incessant bitching about how i wish things were different. if anyone of my friends are reading this im sorry that ive become embittered and not so fun to talk to or hang out anymore but i am just dealing with multiple problems, and trying to get rid of many crutches at the same time to no avail and it grates at every bit of sanity that i have. i just want to get my life back on track im tired of being on unemployment im tired of being sick and im tired of being depressed. I want a decent job, a decent income, and a future to look forward to and i just havent figured out how to do so while keeping myself happy its a catch 22 because if i get a shit job that i hate then what have i changed i just went from being pissed at home to being pissed at my job but ill have money thats about the only upside. what i really need is to be surrounded by some sort of motivation and motivated people. ive had a pretty rough past 8 months and ive honestly had a pretty rough past 5-6 years but im not going to get into that because if you know me then youve heard about it probably more than you wanted. so yeah i dunno i guess what i need is a paradigm shift for the better and a reason to wake up and i might not be around for a while i dunno what im going to do but i need to get away from this machine for a while. maybe i will take up drawing again, or maybe i will push myself hard into music to get out some of this anger or rage ive built up over the past few months. i dont mean to push people away or anything im still here just really need to evaluate my life and get on track and i need to do it by myself - im a bit of an ass when it comes to taking advice or being lectured it usually goes in the wrong direction in what its meant for but ya that concludes my random ranting

Just an update on whats been going on lately (guitar center, ei, tatto media and lin miao sites.)

aside from working at guitar center and hanging out, just been working on a few sites for some friends in bands and some for a project on affiliate marketing all my sites right now are

check them out if you want

i should have new music and new news later on call me if you wanna hang out


Well, Apparently my sleep schedule has reversed again, and now I'm only waking up at around...oh....say.... 9 pm
Its pretty ridiculous and I hate my body for doing this to me, it always happens around times I need to wake up early too, like thanksgiving... oh and times when I need to talk to managers trying to get a job.... Oh well.... I think i'm gonna work on some music.


You are chatting to Jared
Contact Reason: I need to know supported processors, memory and video cards
Jared: Thank you for contacting eMachines Live Chat. My name is Jared and my badge number is 67294. Please hold while I review your issue.
Josh Hamby: ok
Number of RAM Slots: 2
RAM Stick Size Limit: 512 Megs
Total RAM Capacity: 1024 Megs

Jared: The only compatible processors are Socket A that run at 200/266 MHz. Those are the only requirements for the CPU.
Jared: Audio
The onboard needs to be disabled prior to installing a new sound card. To disable onboard audio:

Enter CMOS
Double click on Peripherals
Click once on onboard sound and choose 'Disabled'.
Click once on the '-' in the upper left corner of the screen and choose 'Save settings and Exit'.

Video upgrades

Our research department has tested numerous video cards in our systems. As far as the testing shows, using the original configuration, any AGP/PCI card should work fine. By installing an AGP/PCI card the on board graphics will be disabled.
Note: Please keep in mind that our research team has not tested every video card in every system. As always when buying a video card make sure you buy it from a retailer that will allow you to take it back if it does not work in your system.
Josh Hamby: could I run an AMD 3200+ Socket A it's 400 fsb would I have to upgrade motherboard
Josh Hamby: ?
Jared: you can run up to the 2600+ at 266 fsb
Josh Hamby: if I upgrade the mobo can I run 3200+
Jared: if you change the motherboard to a motherboard that supports that cpu then yes you can run that cpu
Josh Hamby: why can't this model support ATI video cards
Jared: they just may not have any compatibility issues with the modem
Josh Hamby: How are the AMD 64 emachines? decent?
Jared: yea they are nice
Josh Hamby: Do you play quake3?
Jared: I use to along time ago
Jared: im not really in to pc games anymore
Josh Hamby: mostly console?
Josh Hamby: we should hoook up some halo over xbconnect
Jared: dont really play games at all anymore
Jared: i might go to my brothers and play the ps2 once an a while
Josh Hamby: aw alright.. well thanx for the info and stuffz l4t3r'z
Jared: your welcome
Jared: Once again thank you for contacting eMachines Live Chat. My name is Jared and my badge number is 67294. Feel free to chat again anytime and have a great day.
Your chat session has been stopped by agent


Will anyone laugh when you die?
Favourite Color
You will die on the way to prison when your bus collides with a minivan full of children on their way to Bible school.
You will rot in hell because God hates you
Your obituary will reflect your empty, meaningless life. Poor you.
Will anyone miss you? Your significan other will notice that the garbage hasn't been taken out or that no one has done the dishes. I mean, whatever.
Most importantly, will anyone laugh because you died? Nervously. No one can quite believe that you will stay away for long...
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